Tag: Ivy and Bean

Goodreads Review: ‘Ivy and Bean: No News Is Good News

Ivy and Bean No News Is Good NewsIvy and Bean: No News Is Good News by Annie Barrows
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Probably my personal favorite in this goofy chapter book series, No News is Good News sees Ivy and Bean jealous of their friends at lunch because everyone else has Lowfat Belladoona Cheese in a Just-for-you Serving Size … but that’s not important. What’s important is that the cheese comes wrapped in red wax that can be modeled into all sorts of shapes.

Their attempts to pester their parents into buying them the cheese come to naught, so with the help of Bean’s well-meaning but somewhat clueless father, they hatch a plan to sell a homemade newspaper that they create by spying on the neighbors. Hi-jinks ensue.

Barrows’s books are well-crafted enough that, though meant for children, they are accessible to the adult reader, and it is likely the adults who will best understand (and be able to predict the outcome of) the humorous situations Ivy and Bean get themselves into, whereas children are more likely to read this as an adventure story or comedy. For the adult, this is probably a half-hour read, tops.

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The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 8

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Chapter 8: Ivy and Bean

Although Nancy now wore her full magical girl outfit, the other girls had nothing but their housecoats. That apparently didn’t bother Junie B., who was too tough to need shoes and too young to understand modesty, but Judy and Amelia clutched the coats about themselves as the rain quickly saturated the terrycloth.

“Time to find out of this works,” said Cam. She raised a hand into the air, much as Nancy had earlier done—but she didn’t give any miniature speech in French. Instead, to Nancy’s shock, she threw off her housecoat, and a suit of metal, like closefitting armor, unfolded across her wiry body. It looked like glossy black plate trimmed with shiny chrome at its edges, and in the joints were what looked like thick blue fabric. Above her temples appeared little boxes that blinked with LED lights. The outfit wasn’t the kind of thing Nancy especially liked, but she had to admit it was pretty in its own way, and Cam somehow looked noble in it, though it might look silly on someone else.

Cam glanced down at herself and flexed her hands in her shiny black gauntlets. “Looks like the nanoprobes finished building my exoskeleton,” she said. “That’s a relief.”

With that, she raised her right hand and pointed it at the robot. A long tube unfolded from the vambrace on her forearm and flashed rhythmically, making the staccato thud thud thud of an automatic gun. A small opening appeared in her wrist and ejected spent shell casings.

Continue reading “The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 8”

The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 6

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Chapter 6: Into the Fire

Because of the security system, the teleporter couldn’t carry Ivy and Bean all the way to Pink’s base in the space elevator’s counterweight. Instead, it deposited them in her secondary headquarters at geostationary orbit. There, in the midst of the central control room, with the Earth filling the vast window before them, they floated, weightless. The elevator’s black nanocarbon ribbon stretched away to the globe and disappeared into the swirling white foam of the thunderstorm raging below. Occasionally, flashes of lightning were visible in the clouds.

Bean held Ivy in her arms while Ivy sobbed.

They were both soaked from the rain. Water danced around them in the air, round and clear like marbles. Bean always thought weightless liquids looked like Jell-O.

Nestled against Bean’s chest, Ivy’s frizzy red hair bounced and waved, occasionally casting off more of the round globs of water. In one hand, Ivy clutched half of the ruined leather case of her grimoire. Its rescued parchment pages, most of them smeared and unreadable, swirled around in the air, blown hither and thither by the stations’ ventilation system.

“I’ll never be a real witch now,” Ivy cried. Tears poured from her eyes and floated away. “That Fancy Nancy is awful!” Continue reading “The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 6”

The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 5

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Chapter 5: Light out of Darkness

High above the Earth, Pink Vicious sat upon her great pink throne. Over her head was a huge skylight above which the planet, enormous and perfectly still, hung perpetually as it shifted through its daily phases of light and shadow. A black strip glossy with sunlight, like an enormous ribbon, stretched up toward the Earth and disappeared in the distance.

Pink Vicious did indeed have a space station situated at geostationary orbit, but that was not where she kept her headquarters: her headquarters were at the space elevator’s far end, in the counterweight, where the g-force was the same as on the surface of the Earth. It gave her a small thrill to know that nothing anchored her except that thin expanse of ribbon, and that if it ever broke, she would go hurtling into the outer darkness.

She had a full day ahead of her. The first order of business was to torture a prisoner. After that came snack time. Then nap time. Then time to develop her plans for world conquest. Continue reading “The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 5”

The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 3

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Chapter 3: Train Wreck

In the dark, nine-year-old Nancy Clancy awoke with a start, sat bolt upright, and instantly smacked her head on something hard. With a stifled groan, she fell back down onto a thin but soft mattress.

This was the third time since the living nightmare began that she’d awakened in a strange place. It was becoming a habit.

Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the dim light. She lay in a tiny compartment only a little longer than she was tall, and the ceiling was only a couple of feet overhead. A low, droning hum came from below the floor, and the room vibrated ever so slightly. Her ruined dress was gone, and in its place, she wore a baggy set of pajamas decorated with images of bowling balls and pins.

Someone next to her snored, flopped over, and threw an arm across her chest.

She yelped, sat up, and slammed her head into the ceiling again. Squeezing her eyes shut and sucking her breath between her teeth, she rubbed her forehead.

The sleeping figure snorted once, sat up herself, and likewise banged her head.

“Yowch!” she shouted.

It was Judy Moody’s voice. Continue reading “The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 3”

The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 1

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Chapter 1: Fancy and Moody

When nine-year-old Nancy Clancy stepped out the door to visit a neighbor on a Friday afternoon, she wasn’t expecting to be attacked by a giant robot.

Nancy had just come home from third grade, but after dropping off her schoolbooks on the dining room table, she headed out again to see Mrs. DeVine, who had invited her for tea. Mrs. DeVine was a severe-looking but kindly old matron who lived in the fanciest house in the neighborhood: She had a front gate of cast iron entwined with roses, and a yard full of flowers. Her house brimmed with the most interesting things: brocaded drapes that hung to the floor, cushions of silk, divans nestled in bay windows, cabinets loaded with eggshell china, paintings of dignified but mysterious gentlemen, and elegant porcelain dolls too delicate to touch.

Many children might be afraid of a house so full of breakables—or intimidated by Mrs. DeVine herself, who stood tall and straight and dignified, with a severe, downturned mouth and a head piled high with white hair. For as long as she could remember, however, Nancy had been taken with Mrs. DeVine and fascinated with her ornate and treasure-filled home; the other houses up and down the street were all white and boxy and nearly indistinguishable, and all had neatly trimmed but unadorned yards. Only Mrs. DeVine’s house stood out—beautiful and old-fashioned—and Nancy loved it.

Nancy loved everything fancy. She always had, and she was determined that she always would. Continue reading “The League of Extraordinary Grade-Schoolers, Part 1”