If you’re hankering to watch a live-action movie based on a Mattel toy franchise, in which the characters make an ill-advised trip to the “real world” that disappoints long-time fans, let me suggest an alternative to the film that opened this weekend. I recommend the 1987 box-office disaster Masters of the Universe, which is based on the hugely popular sword-and-planet toy line of the same name. It stars an oiled-up Dolph Lundgren, fresh off his performance in Rocky IV, as He-Man. The movie was panned by critics and shunned by audiences when it came out, and it is even credited with dethroning the Masters of the Universe line of action figures from its dominance of the toy aisle and helping to shut down its studio, Cannon Films. Nonetheless, I believe it’s past time that this movie gets a re-evaluation. It is undeniably flawed, but it was made with real passion and heart, and it contains some genuinely good performances.
You can stream it for free on Amazon. ( Please ignore it if that link gets crossed out as if it’s dead. WordPress doesn’t like it when I link to streaming services.)
This movie, sad to say, had a minuscule budget and consequently makes some serious mistakes, but let’s face it, it probably really is the best thing to ever come out of the Masters of the Universe franchise, which has never been known for its brilliant writing or high production values. The 1983 cartoon, which is the version of the story that everyone remembers most fondly, is memorable mostly for being surreal, weird, and stiffly animated–and its stiff animation often falls into uncanny-valley territory because much of it is rotoscoped. If you have doubts, I invite you to watch its first broadcast episode, which you can also stream for free, and compare it to the movie linked above. Assuming you can put nostalgia aside and judge both dispassionately, I think you will agree that the film is the superior production.
The Cast
The casting of the movie is nearly perfect. Dolph Lundgren is the spitting image of He-Man, though like many muscle-bound action stars in Hollywood movies, his performance is hampered by a thick accent (they dubbed him over in post, but because of his contract, they had to dub him with his own voice). Even better is Jon Cypher, who gives a convincing performance as a battle-hardened and world-weary Man-at-Arms. With a mustache, he looks identical to the cartoon character, and he also probably has the best costume in the film, which takes the gold-and-purple ensemble of the cartoon and turns it into a convincing suit of body armor. Less satisfactory is Teela (Chelsea Field), who is entirely different from the cartoon character, and entirely forgettable.
But the best performance in the movie undeniably comes from Frank Langella, who gives what will probably always be the best interpretation of Skeletor. Langella dove enthusiastically into the role in part because his son was a fan of He-Man, and he draws on his experience as a Shakespearean actor. Despite some poor makeup effects that make it difficult for him to move his mouth, he imbues the role with a sense of pathos and isolation. He steals the show, so much so that you might find yourself rooting for the villain. Even the critics who skewered the movie praised Langella’s performance.
The Synopsis
The movie starts strong. As it opens, Skeletor has, thanks to a gadget called the Cosmic Key, already succeeded in his plan to conquer Castle Grayskull and imprison its caretaker, the Sorceress (Christina Pickles). Now, he only awaits moonrise, when the powers of the castle will make him a god and the de facto ruler of Planet Eternia. To ensure his victory, he despatches his right-hand woman, Evil-Lyn (Meg Foster), to track down a duplicate of the Key, which falls into the hands of He-Man and his allies.
Unfortunately, the movie soon goes off the rails: He-Man and his friends use the Key to escape Skeletor’s forces, and they end up on Earth. After a few brief fish-out-of-water jokes, they enlist the help of two lovesick teenagers played by Courtney Cox and Robert Duncan McNeill. Evil-Lyn sends mercenaries and robot soldiers after them, naturally, with the end result that the battle to decide the fate of the universe takes place in the cramped confines of a music shop, and we in the audience come to the horrified realization that almost all we see of Eternia is a single room, the interior of Castle Grayskull–though that is, admittedly, a gorgeous set. Too bad the budget didn’t allow for other elaborate sets.
Despite all this, the movie does build to a reasonably satisfying climax in which He-Man sacrifices himself to save others, gets rescued, and has a final showdown with a powered-up Skeletor.
Comments
Because of limits in the movie’s funds and the technology of the time, certain beloved characters are sadly absent from the film. He-Man’s trusty mount, Battle Cat, is obviously out. So is the floating midget wizard Orko, who is replaced with a gnomish inventor named Gwildor (Billy Barty). The makeup effects are hit-or-miss: Gwildor looks awful, and Skeletor’s face looks good in still frames but is obviously too stiff when he’s speaking. The four minions Evil-Lyn sends after He-Man, however, look awesome, but only one of them (Beast-Man) is a character from the cartoon, and he doesn’t get a speaking part.
The action sequences in this film are sadly mediocre. Lundgren gives no indication that he got serious training with his sword. A lot of the fight sequences are laser shoot-outs obviously inspired by Star Wars, but they mostly demonstrate how difficult it is to replicate what Star Wars accomplished. Problems with the budget cascaded into other problems: Apparently, the film crew caused real fire damage to some buildings during filming; some actors were injured by costume mishaps (though those, admittedly, don’t sound much worse than the hair-raising shenanigans surrounding even better-received films); and the director, Gary Goddard, had to put up his own money to get the movie’s conclusion filmed because he was way over his meager budget.
But, obviously, the biggest blunder was sending the characters to Earth circa 1987. This, unfortunately, would almost certainly have happened even if the movie had more resources because this conceit appears even in the earliest versions of the script. Admittedly, Earth exists in other instantiations of the franchise (in the old cartoon, He-Man’s mother is a lost astronaut from Earth), but is at least kept in the background where hard, cold reality doesn’t interfere with all the goofy magic and monsters. The movie makes it abundantly clear that the sword-and-sorcery look of Eternia mixes with 1980s Americana the way oil mixes with water. This is like the sequel to The Beastmaster, which was equally ill-advised and equally disastrous.
Despite obvious problems, it is clear that the people making this movie had respect for the franchise and took their jobs seriously. Gary Goddard was constantly concerned with quality, and he made the conscious choice to have all the scenes on Earth happen at night, which he believed–correctly–would make the Eternian characters’ costumes look less silly. The set and costume designers obviously worked hard to make the cartoonish concepts look real and grounded, so the costume designs display a proper mix of gritty realism and nods to the source material, something we wouldn’t see again, at least consistently, in live-action cartoon adaptations until quite recently. The movie makes a lot of nods to its inspirations, so it is a mish-mash of pulpy sci-fi and fantasy: Star Wars and Flash Gordon are obviously here, as are call-backs to obscure sword-and-sandal flicks. One of the biggest influences is Jack Kirby, and Gary Goddard has openly admitted that he saw this movie as an adaptation of The New Gods as much as it is an adaptation of Masters of the Universe.
Conclusion
I honestly believe that all the flaws in this film should be overlooked for one simple reason: Frank Langella’s Skeletor. He has the best lines in the film, and he milks them for all they’re worth. You will never see a more sympathetic interpretation of this character, a lonely and even noble villain who, although obviously greedy and genuinely evil, honestly believes that he can make Eternia into a utopia if only he acquires the necessary power. Langella, and the screenwriters behind him, clearly remember the key to a memorable villain: The villain should believe himself to be the hero. And as an added treat, the movie complicates his relationship with Evil-Lyn: The mutual jealousy and vying for position that we see in the cartoon are still there, but the movie additionally gives us a hint of mutual attraction, which actually makes a great deal of sense.
Watch this movie at least once. Give it an honest viewing. I do believe it deserves a better reception than it has had before.
